Thursday, September 06, 2007
Goodnight Sweetheart
Well, I've decided to take the next step in existence by crossing the veil to the next. I tried but pharmaceuticals are so slow as to make it "cry for help" instead of the outcome. I have rigged a noose in the garage and think that may work so long as the dog keeps quiet. I think about what is left. But the truth is there is not a whole lot to look forward to ...bad teeth.... subsistence on some kind of old home care. Some sadness for others but really no real value in the end. So stay tuned and we will all see how it turns out.
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Where is the hope? I watch and search. Where are you Lord? I fear to sleep or to leave him alone. It is I who will have to lift the dead weight of the only man who ever loved me. Find the knife and the chair. Struggle to cut him down and lower him to your earth. Gag on the stench and the horror. Clean his faeces and urine from his discarded body. Cover his swollen and blackened face with my futile love. It is I who will live with the memory forever. Where are you Lord? I despair. Where are your angels? Is there no hope after all? How can I give others hope? Where are you? Where are you?
I won't give in. I refuse to let him go to the demons that stalk him. I will put my trust in the Lord. He is still here and that is real. It's almost midnight and he's asleep in our bed. I don't know how we will do this without you physically by our sides Lord. I will carry on watching over him. Strengthen and uphold us. This is our battle in the war. Enlighten his mind so he can see why and how to go on living. I'm a flawed instrument but I'm all you've got - so make me fit for the task at hand and use me well. Bloody GP. He means well but has no clue really. Nancy is better. Hang on till then.
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