It is better to be an outcast, a stranger in one’s own country, than an outcast from one’s self. It is better to see what is about to befall us and to resist than to retreat into the fantasies embraced by a nation of the blind.
Chris Hedges

Thursday, October 11, 2007

On the Bones of my Ass

How to phrase this... Being broke is not a good thing, a statement. Not being able to earn is a dash to me because from the age of 16 I always earned. And wasted. But I'm no longer talking about my money, because I have none, I'm talking about my family.
When my wife chooses between having meat or beans it is not about dietetic choice, it is about choosing between my alcohol needs and food on the table. I don't think anyone reads this crap but if there is anyone out there who can help I would be grateful. I think about 0800labour as a part time solution but frankly, I'm not up to it.
I hate having to choose between the two needs but my memories of the horrors give me adequate fear to eat beans. I hate using up the family resources to feed my habit... and I don't expect the extended family to do much.
My father-in-law has harboured something of a grudge. He has no hesitation in giving everything to his sons, but he expects the husbands of his wives to take care of them. He's right. Unfortunately, my wife has been saddled with a problem of balance... how do I keep my hubby from the DT's and put food on the table. I would like to go somewhere to get dry and sober but I can't. By mid-morning my knees start knocking, my vision gets blurry and I can't do much more than lay there. If there is help out there now is the time. Take my wife to lunch.


Anahera said...

Guess what? I just got a call from Sister Peti to set up a Visiting Teaching time for her and her companion to come and visit me. We set a date for next Thursday and then she suggested that they bring lunch. How's that for a sign?

And so I took the liberty of inviting Sister Peti to visit your blog.

I marvel how you always find the right words when I get in one of my little tizzies. Your faith helps me to have faith too.

For sure, God is reading your blog my brother... my love.

Anonymous said...

I don't know where to begin.

You have an 'amazing' ability, an absolutely 'amazing' ability to write words. I should know....I am a secret writer person, what I would like to call a 'heart' writer. And I think you my wonderful friend possess this glorious talent.

I have read, several books about 'alcoholics', I have a friend who is a recovered alcoholic....guess what she does now? She has a PHD....that's Health Sciences, teaching Alcohol and Drug studies!!

I do not doubt the 'healing' journey in writing ones thoughts on paper (or on computer)....I think your journey needs to be told....if only to help others or even share with others??

I am a 'qualified' Alcohol and Drug Clinician specialising working for 'youth'.....I have a friend who works alongside adults....but somehow I sense you don't want to hear this....

What I will tell you. More than anything....foremost and forever.

Dug Graves...I am a 'friend' first.

You carry on fighting the good fight. No matter what. You have a friend in me.


dugger said...

My friend,
You are a true treasure. I love you and thank you.

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